I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
