I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
