Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
