your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
