He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize