Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
