Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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