People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
