I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
