So drunk its hurt
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
