I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
