Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
