She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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