You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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