If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
