Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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