I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
