you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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