yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
