that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's blow job season.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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