and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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