so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She needs sedatives and a leash
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
