Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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