You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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