I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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