Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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