Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
