I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize