so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Even the bartender felt bad for me
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
