I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
