oh god the rape fog is back!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
