dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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