one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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