come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
