Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
