Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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