how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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