Jerry, you need to find god
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
