i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
