not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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