i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
