I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
