there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
