i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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