i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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