If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
time to smoke my breakfast
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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