i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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