Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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