We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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