Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
