I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
