So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
