Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
