i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
