apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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