Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
