Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She swung at the pinata with crutches
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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