I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
