so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
