I'm lost and stupid without you.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
