I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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