I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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