There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
