It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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