To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
