you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
