If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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