Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
