Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
we're so committed to being not committed
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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