I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
