The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
