I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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